Life without you  / Jessie Caldwell (Daughter)
for the past year, ive been trying to cope with losing you, i still catch myself thinking ill see you soon. i dont think i will ever fully accept it. its so hard to realize you wont be there for our graduations, proms, weddings...you wont ever meet your grandchildren. I know you wont miss any of it, you will be there in a way, but you wont actually be able to experience it. Ive seen some of the tributes and things people have left on here and it makes me so happy that you made such and impact on all these people. i want to thank all of you for what you have said about my father. he was a great man and from what ive heard, was loved by so many more people than i knew. I cant believe that such a terrible thing would happen to such a wonderful person and i wish no one else had to go through what my dads family and friends have to go through right now. It is the hardest thing imagineable to lose someone you love. I love you SO much daddy and i wish more than anything that you could be here for everything.<3<3<3 Jessie<3<3<3 Close

Happy Halloween  / Halie(Mahalia) Borders (Friends)

Chris ,
             I HAVE MISSED YOU FOR ALONG TIME.
I HOPE YOUR GIRLS KNOW HOW FORTUNATE THEY ARE TOO HAVE HAD YOU IN THIER LIFE.
Be with them in their dreams tonight they too remember how much fun you had  on this particular day.
I have a 6 year old son since we last spoke.
He is my comedian."Yes "their is finally a male in this world I actually worship..
You said it would happen  to me one day... He is 3feet,blue eyes  and blond hair....
 He even lets me have first pick of his trick or treat candy...Unlike sum... Oh  4-GIVE ME CHRIS THAT WAS your hogendogen??? Icecream,whatever the name was. Did you share  FAVORITES  with the girls???
Not me[you dared me ]to eat two huge spoonfuls of Hot mustard,and if I could eat more than you without following it with food(Rocky's egg rolls to be exact) You would give me all the ice cream I wanted for that evening,and drive me around (in your AUDI  you were so proud of) Miss spelled the car's, nameI>?.? I'm sure you are having a fit...
But instead it cost me a fortune..This was the evening I went up to wait a guest ,my lips went numb,I got very sick..Allergic to the M.S.G.
THE REST OF THE STORY IS FUNNY NOW, WASNT BACK THEN...
You have NO IDEA how often our memories keep me laughing, have kept me strong threw the years.
Even when the memory itself should have made me cry..
Like in Mrs Maddens class when you mumbled something smart , and I took the wrap....Cause you looked so sweet and innocent??? Girls don't be fooled...Your father got in so much trouble in this class I felt sympathy, empathy...I was a good, innocent student..REALLY, So I got away with it .That time..
Hope you all had a good night.
Sweet dreams,
Love  Halie

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Happy Halloween  / Mom
Dear Chris, I know Halloween was always a really fun time for you and the girls so today I know you are watching over them to keep them safe from any evil. They have gotten even more beautiful in this past 15 months you've been gone. Not a day passes that I don't miss you so much. I hope you have forgiven me for so many things. I know I wasn't the best mom and I live with that fact everyday, but always know Chris that you were brought into this world because I loved you even before you were born and have NEVER stopped. We all miss you so much. I know in many ways you are letting us know you ok but we still wish you were back with us today. We have been letting everyone we can, know about the dangers of a cruise, so your life taken will not be in vain. If we can keep any other families from going through this nightmare, I will do whatever it takes!!! And one day the person or persons who took your life will pay very dearly for they did. I just wish I could see them punished.
We love you Chris! Close

Hurricane Rita  / Mom
This past few weeks have been very trying for us, but we know that our son Chris has been watching over us and keeping us safe. We were in Atlanta, Ga when the Hurricane hit Lake Charles, La. and didn't even know if we would have a home when we got back. I was so very upset all weekend and we left for LC Sunday night and got to LC Monday. The National guard let us in long enough to access the damage and then leave. When we got to our neighborhood, the damage was very bad. I was very scared to see our home. When we pulled onto our street, there were power lines down, trees down everywhere, debris strown all around. Houses ripped apart, a site I won't soon forget. As we got near our house all I could see was tons of stuff wrapped around the trees and big tree limbs all around. All we lost were some shingles. No damage we couldn't fix. We knew that God and Chris were watching over our home. Many houses on the street had a lot of damage and our home stood strong. We tried to clean the yard some but the heat was terrible so we left it for later. In the cleaning George was bitten by a spider and got a very bad infection. He is finally healing now and we thank God for that. Thanks to all who prayed for our safety. Thank you Chris for being our angel. We miss you so much. I found the sweaters Shannon got for me from your things as I have them in the truck. I hugged them as I cried for you. Always know how very much we loved you and we will always have you in our hearts. Love from your mama. Close

we miss you  / Rita Sittig (mom)
I know you have met many new angels arriving every day from the storm we have had in La. Miss. and Al. Many are parents who like you left children behind and others are children who have parents like us that are grieving for their babies. Whoever they are, I know heaven is very full but I know you are there and will make them smile and laugh.
Your girls miss you so much. Please send Shelby a sign and let her know you are ok and she will be ok too. I talked to her the other day and poor baby cries when she looks at your pictures. I told her there are times when I do the same thing and that it's ok to cry, but we all have to go on living and I know you would want them to be happy. We all miss you so very much! Elie just turned 1 year old and you would have loved seeing her at the party. She is so very beautiful.
I hope you know how much you are loved and missed by all of us.
Be happy and watch over us.
Love from your mom Close

BEAUTIFUL LAND OF PEACE  / SHIRLEY (FRIEND)
 CHRIS, YOU MUST BE VERY PROUD OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL FAMILY, I AM LOOKING AT THE PICTURES OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND THEY ARE JUST AS PRETTY TODAY AS THE DAY YOU LEFT THEM. SEND DOWN A SMILE TO THEM AND THEY WILL SMILE BACK.   MY  THOUGHTS ARE WITH THE FAMILY, I AM GOING THROUGH THE SAME MEMORIES YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. I LOST MY BROTHER AND WILL NEVER KNOW WHERE HE IS  I SEND MY CONDOLENCES TO ALL YOUR FAMILY. Close

Hard Times & Good Times  / Crystal Tinder
Chris,
I can't believe that a whole year has gone by.  The past couple of days have been really hard.  I tried so hard not to let it get to me and to not get emotional.......but that didn't happen.  I know that everything happens for a reason and there must be some reason for you not being here with us anymore.  Sometimes I think I understand and other times I don't.  There have been times where it has been hard moving on and I have felt guilty.  But from conversations we had in the past, I know this is what you would want me to do.  So, even though I have somehow moved on, I still think of you often and miss the times we shared.  It amazes me how such a tragedy can affect someone's life and they somehow get through it.  When I got that call a year ago today that you were not found, I thought my life was over.  I didn't want to go on without you.  I hit rock bottom.  I didn't eat for weeks and lost 15 pounds, I hibernated in my room and thought my world was over.  Then one day things got better.  I don't know how but they did.  I don't know if you have a hand up there in how things go down here, but if you do...thank you.  Thank you for picking me back up, making me face life again, for helping me move on and for sending me Jason.  If it wasn't for him, I think I would still be battling the depression.  He has been so supportive and understand about this situation.  It takes a strong man to let his girlfriend cry over the death of her ex.  If you do have a hand in this, please let this work.  You will always hold a piece of my heart...ALWAYS!  Just as I know you are, watch over your beautiful girls.  I saw Jessie and Shelby the other day.  The first time in 8 months.  They look so much like you.  It was hard to hold back the tears when I saw them.  I saw so much of you in them.  I miss all the fun times we had together.  I will cherish those memories forever.  Please, watch over all of us and know that we all love and miss you very much. 
Love always,
Crystal     Close

remembering the good times  / Mom
Dera Chris, I hope you realize now how very much EVERYONE loved you and how much you are missed by ALL your family and friends. We are all trying to carry on the best we know how and I know you are watching over us. I feel your presence so much of the time. I know you gave me the idea on celebrating your birthday because that was the kind of person you really were, very kind and a beautiful spirit. Forgive me for the things I didn't protect you from as a child. I wish I could have changed them for you but what's done is history. Chris I always loved you so much and I know we didn't always agree but I would have given you my life if I needed too. I guess God wanted you to brighten the heaven and I look to the stars for you a lot. Everytime it's a full moon I feel you so close. I come to this site a lot as you can see. I feel your presence here even stronger.
Ted,(mini Chris) if you see this, please call me at 337-274-3860. I would like to get a picture of you to put on the site. And any you may have while Chris was on the jobs. Thanks.
Chris watch over your sweet girls. We will get to see Kaylee in Atlanta Tuesday as we pass through. It's the first time we have been in Atlanta so we haven't even seen El for a long time. You would have loved her so much. Be sure she will know who her uncle Chris was and what a great person he was.
We Love you and miss you.
Mom
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First anniversary  / Jessica Caldwell (Daughter)
Wow, its so hard to believe its been a year. so much has happened since last we saw you. i guess thats not the right termanology, we see you in so much around us. to catch up, i turned sixteen...though it was more of a bitter-sweet sixteen seeing as you couldnt be there. i got the most awful job working at rite aid, but i know you would love the fact that i atleast have a job now. shelby and kaylee are enjoying summer as much as they can. were going back to pennsylvania in a week. thatll be hard. thats where we were when it happened. were doing alot to keep your memory going. Well, i love you and i just want to let you know how much you still effect peoples lifes even though you arent physically present. I love you so so so so much.

Love, Jessie Close

1 Year Later  / Ted Kosiek (Mini Chris )
Chris,

I am about to go Dj another gig and today will not be easy, being one year and all. I have tried to do my best to be the best DJ that I could be. I had the best mentor and freind,  I am sure you have been keeping an eye on me to make sure that I don't screw up too bad. Things have been somewhat stressful between Eric, Joe and Asto and I seem to get caught in the middle a lot. Oh Well.
You would have been proud of our softball team this year. We finished at 11-7. Yeah, that's right. 11 wins. Who'd a thunk it. We missed the playoffs by a game. Steve says that they are going to buy us new uniforms for the fall season. I am trying to see about getting your initials put on the sleeve. When we won our first game Johnny said that you were looking down on us. When we won our 8th & 9th games Johnny said that you were behind us all the way. At the beginning of the season we dedicated it to you.

I miss hanging out and talking and having you burn me cd's. I got my own laptop so I'm getting pretty high tech. I haven't tried to keep up with girls, but I think they are doing ok. I've seen Crytal a couple of times and she is getting along. Rob and Larry are looking out for me in the office, so that is going good. So much has happened in the last year and it sucks that you weren't here to participate in it. Spin a couple of tunes for me up there.

Ted
(aka MC, mini chris) Close

Today / Mom
Dear Chris,
As I sit here this morning, I can hardly believe that it's been a year since you left us. It has been a hard year for all of us. Your girls are doing good, growing up so fast. You would be so proud of them and how they are carring on your name. Jesse has a job now and I know you will watch over her, Shelby, Kaylee and Hannah to keep them safe. So many things have happened in this past year. We just wish you were here with us. No matter what anyone thinks, I will always love you as I have loved you from the day you were born. It's hard to be a mom at 19 and I know I could have done better but I did the best I knew how. I know we didn't see each other much these past few years, but my love for you and the girls never dimmed even for a second. Always know you were and still are a very precious soul. You gave to so many people the gift of love and laughter. They will always remember those times best.
One day I will see you again and be able to hold you for a big hug. I look forward to that day. Take care and watch over all of us. We love you forever!!! Close

to you on your birthday  / Mom
Dear Chris,
Today would have been your 38th brithday and I hope you approve of the way we are celebrating by giving to a baby born on your day. We miss you so much and always will.
Chris I know you had some problems in your life and had known for a long time. I had begged you to get help but just like me, you did things your way. I hope you are at peace now.
Love from your mom Close

Our birthday gift to you  / Mom
I decided to start a yearly birthday tribute to your memory by giving a $100 gift certifcate to a baby born on your birthday. It will be our way to let the world know how much you were and still are loved and missed so much. I think this would you happy to know that another baby will recieve this honor in your name. I know you have already met this angel even before it has been born. Watch over it to make sure it arrives to his family safely. We miss you so much every day and will always love you.
Forever your mon Close

Your 38th birthday is near  / Rita (mom)
Dear Chris,
Your 38th birhtday will be here next Friday and we want you to know you are not forgotten EVER. I may not be able to get to a computer or the website so I wanted you to know to watch for all the balloons that we all will be sending to you. Family and friends will be sending many to fill the skies. I don't know where I'll be that day, but no matter how I will realease our birthday balloons to you. See how many you can catch!
I want to thank you for saving my life. I wish I could have saved yours but I guess God had other plans. Since the skin cancer has been removed, a strange calm has come over me. It's almost as if you kept me in constant turmoil to let me know something bad was wrong. Now that I'm ok you come to me in smiling dreams rather than the nightmares I was having. I look at your picture now and smile rather than cry. Oh, I still CRY and will NEVER forget you, but now I remember more of the beautiful memories you left behind. The girls are getting more beautiful every day. Jesse will be 16 soon but I know you will be there as she turns this mile stone. I pray you will find a way to let her know you are there with her. They all miss you very much.
Always know, we will keep your memory alive forever and you will always be in our hearts until we see you again.
Take care my angel, you are loved more than you will ever know.
Mom Close

How Chris saved my life  / Mom
While at Chris's memorial service, I scratched a place on the side of my face down to the white meat. This really isn't unusual for me when under stress. I treated the wound for several months and it stayed bleeding and when I would cry, which was often, it would turn bright purple-red and look terrible. Nothing I did seemed to help. My daughter Shannon and her husband kept telling me to go to the doctor, but I just thought it was stress keeping it from healing. I finally did go to 2 different doctors for meds but they didn't help either. I finally went to a skin doctor and a biospy was done and it came back skin cancer. It was cut out a week ago and the path results are clean.
Chris, I would give you my life if it would bring you back to your girls, but I know it doesn't work that way. I know you saved my life. I just wish I could have saved yours.
Tonite I read a letter from a Ronald Butcher which confirms so much of what I have felt over this past year. I have ALWAYS felt someone did you harm and you came to me AND Joe in dreams and said you had been thrown over. I have never known how to find anything out but after reading Mr. Butchers letter I am even more convinced that you and the 4 who died the same way on different Carnival ships all met with bad people. I will probably never get any answers from Carnival, but God will deal with whoever was responsible and I hope SOON!!!
Mr. Butcher...if you read this please email me if you haven't already. I drive over the road and haven't checked email since you posted your letter.
Thanks to all who visit this site. We love Chris and miss him so much. Chris, Thank you for saving my life and I will see you soon for a much needed hug.
Love, mom Close

a poem i read at his memorial service  / Shelby Caldwell (daughter)

i want to cry now,
i really do
i am so sad,
and i am so blue.
my daddy died
the other day
it really made my family cry.
i know he had to go some time,
but why now god,why?
now we cannot talk
or hug,
or kiss,
or even laugh.
im okay for now
im gonna miss him so.
but i told him once,
and ill tell him again,
ill love you to the end!
fly to heaven now daddy,
you've got your wings,
and ill get mine someday too.

R.I.P
C.P.C

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my favorite memory  / Shelby Caldwell (daughter)
i must say that my fovorite memory of my dad was one night, a little before he died. he and crystal were out working and me, jessie, and kaylee were sitting at home. they got home around 11:30, and when they came in, told us to get dressed, and fast. with my heart raceing i quickly got dressed, thinking some thing was wrong. we got into the car and started driving. only when my dad started asking us to guess where we were going, did i calm down. after awile he told us to close our eyes for awile. we pulled in, and when we got out of the car, we were at a fondu restaurant. it was just so much fun that he would come home after work at midnight and take us out. i hope everyone remembers how much fun he was! Close

My Deepest Condolences  / Ronald Butcher
Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss and continued pain.  I have been personally touched by this story since I first heard of his disappearance last year.

At the time, I wrote letters to several of the papers that were covering the story.  As a retired Coast Guard Marine Safety Inspector, the story reported by Carnival Cruise Line just doesn't make sense.  Most noteworthy:
The rails are designed to be tall enough to preclude anyone accidentally falling off.  Chris' story just didn't strike me as one that was typical to suicide.
Why was there NO criminal investigation or prevention of departure pending release of the authorities?  This wreaked of cover-up to me and seemed a quick jump to the suicide conclusion.  I would be inquiring about any employees that repatriated that day and were never re-hired by Carnival.
Why wasn't the ship searched immediately at sea?  The SOLAS regulations stipulate that the ship MUST be capable of abandoning ship within 30 minutes of notification.  A boat drill that would have included a muster of ALL persons on board could and should have been conducted as soon as it was noted that Chris was missing.  Why Carnival waited until the ship had unloaded and utilized the electronic control systems seem suspect and irresponsible.
Why wasn't the Coast Guard notified immediately?  Forgive a clouded memory but I recall there being a disparity in the time of notification on the ship to the time the Coast Guard was notified.  Again, wreckless and irresponsible in my opinion. 
Again, please accept my deepest and most heart-felt condolences.  I can't imagine the emptiness and angst you must be feeling over this tragic and unnecessary loss.  If I can ever be of any assistance Close

Story of your disapperance  / Mom
A very sweet lady by the name of Merry in Jacksonville, Fla wrote a story about some of the people who have been lost off cruise ships. Way TOO MANY!!! We miss you so much but I know you are with the Angels. So many things were left unsaid but I hope you are seeing all that is being done for you and the girls. Jesse will be 16 next month so please watch over her as she starts to drive. Shelby just 13 and is such a sweet girl. Kaylee I think hurts the most, she misses you so much. Even little Hannah misses you. Joe and Cheryl are taking good care of them and you would be proud of them all. Lots of things have changed but one thing will NEVER change and that is how very much we love and miss you. If I could give my life to God to bring you back to your girls, I would do it in a heartbeat. I pray that one day the TRUTH will come out about how you left us. I know someone knows and they must live with terrible pain every day. God will punish them one day. Watch over us all and forgive all the tears that are shed. On July 23 this year George and I will go on our boat and throw flowers for you to the dolphins. I know many tears will fall on that day. Just know it's because we love you so much, you will be forever in our hearts. Love from your mama Close